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He showed me where the root was in my childhood and how it had layered itself very deep within my very soul. The experiences I had of my great grandparents, whom I was very close to, both dying on the same day when I was 9 and hearing people say, "The Lord wanted them in Heaven today."
We all have lots of experiences we remember, and many that we don't, that lead us to not trust God, but as we attend church and learn the Christianese language we get used to saying "the right thing" even if our hearts condemn us. I found in this healing journey walk that I really had no trust in the Lord. I was quite shocked. He pointed out to me that the foundation of my healing journey is faith and without trusting Him, faith is not activated. [Related Article: Totally Forgiven, Is That How You See Yourself?]
A good visual example of this is when a father asks his child to jump into his arms. That looks pretty risky and the child will initially hesitate until the father convinces him to come. After that first time, the child's trust builds upon experience.
We've been told that God does a lot of bad things in this world. We're told He kills people because He needs them in Heaven. He sends tornadoes and hurricanes to destroy towns that have sin in them (what town doesn't have sin in it). He puts AIDS on people who live in sinful lifestyles. He makes bad things happen to you to teach you something. Although we might say we love this God, it's not hard to understand that our minds and heart would definitely not agree with that.
We have to know that evil comes from the devil and good comes from God. We must begin to expect good from God because what we expect or imagine will become real in our lives. But that puts a bit too much responsibility on some folks who would rather just blame it all on God.
Don't we all know people who talk negative all the time. "If this is going to happen to somebody, it's going to happen to me." "I'm the first one to get the flu every year." And as one lies down in bed thinking, "Another night of insomnia, why bother?" Pay attention and you will see people stand out that prophesy doom and gloom all over their lives ... and they get it.
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The question I ask when somebody tells me that God puts disease on people so they can learn something is this: "If you truly believe that, why are you going to the doctors to fight against the will of God? If you don't learn the lesson this time, you'll be going around the mountain another time with another disease."
We don't understand everything that happens to us but the Holy Spirit will teach you if you are open to learn. What a great promise this is (if we believe and receive it):
"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you" (John 14:26).
I've heard people reply to that with, "Well, I sure don't hear Him speaking." And when asked how much time they spend "being still and knowing" before the Lord, the answer is .... well, let's just say it's more Martha than Mary. People fill their lives with busyness so they don't have to think about what is going wrong until it blows up in their face, and then because they have not established a habit of just sitting in the Presence of Jesus on a regular basis, they send up "flare prayers." We tend to think God can be used like a vending machine. Pop in a prayer request, pull a knob and get your answer. God wants relationship.
Faith comes from Hope - "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" (Hebrews 11:1). The devil attacks our hope with wrong thoughts of who God is. He did this with Jesus. All three temptations related to "IF You are the Son of God."
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"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding."
"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."
When we can truly trust God, we will be able to stay in peace no matter the circumstances. It's not a quick process ... at least it wasn't for me, but when I look back, it's pretty incredible what God has done. Being in peace makes the whole process of changing your heart beliefs a lot easier. Trust will activate our faith and in truly believing with the heart, not the head, will bring forth those things we desire:
"Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them" (Mark 11:24).
All we can do when things go South is to say, "Lord I trust you! You are faithful and you have provided for this situation before I was ever conceived. I will believe in your faithfulness and trust that all is well no matter what I see. I believe in what I know of You and what my spirit is telling me."
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