I don't know where to begin to give an update on my healing journey. My words feel so inadequate to the emotions and things going on in my body. Since this crisis began (see post: The Heart of the Matter from January this year) my world has changed so much.
|A Heart Set On Healing!|
Donna at The Yellow Barn
Shenandoah Caverns, Quicksburg, VA
I've been giving update reports in my twice-monthly newsletters along the way, but there's so much going on in the past month I felt another individual post would be a better way to do this today.
News Item #1 - Oxygen Gone From Our Home
One piece of big news is that yesterday we returned the oxygen compressor. That machine sure made life comfortable many days and gave me the ability to sleep, but I had no fondness for it. From the day it entered the home I was ready for it to be gone. I felt like the devil had me on a leash (the 50' tubing from machine to me) any time I used it. I looked forward to the day when I could take it back. Yesterday was the big day!
The folks at the place were stumbling all over with paperwork I had to sign since I was "refusing treatment" prescribed by the doctor. The girl at the desk asked for the name and I said, "Watkins" and then she said "first name?" and I said Donna. She stopped dead and said, "Donna Watkins, my goodness, you've lost a lot of weight haven't you!?"
I was puzzled thinking she must think I'm somebody else and told her that I actually had gained some of my weight back (I had lost almost 15 pounds from lack of eating those months I was filled with abdominal fluid). Then it hit me that when she saw me I was 141 pounds with all the fluid, so being at 120 now, those 21 pounds was what she was talking about. The fact she remembered me was really odd and she was already shocked when I said we were returning the machine since God had healed me. They did "amen" my words, but you could tell they were not used to a machine being returned by a patient and commented on that. That was really fun! Glory to God alone!
News Item #2 - Instant Healing vs. Progressive Healing
Throughout this ordeal I've struggled with wanting God to instantly heal me ... and the process of being healed progressively. Who wants the slow route when there's a fast option, right? I locked on to Acts 3:16 desiring from my heart for it to be my life verse: "By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see."
Since before all of this began I was listening to Andrew Wommack's teachings and absorbing as much of the Word as I could daily. Lately I've been watching videos of others who have had healing journeys to increase my belief for my own.
There was one that really made me think because Mike Hoesch who had a huge tumor on his chest that continued to grow for 8 years had to come to a place where he drew a line in the sand to be healed. We are healed in the spirit by Christ's work on the Cross. Read what the Greek word for 'salvation' means in the New Testament. It includes healing!!
Being healed already in the spiritual realm is a nice fact for head knowledge, but it does nothing for the body unless our spirit is ruling our body. That's where the challenge comes in because we have been mentally ruling our body for a long time. Our soul (mind, will and emotions) is what tells our body what to do and most of it is subconscious.
Research says 90% of our decisions are made by our subconscious. Tying shoelaces, driving a car, brushing our teeth .. we've learned many things in tiny little steps, but then at some point it all comes together and we don't have to think about it any more. Many of the negative childhood responses we've had from people around us, parents, teachers, etc. have formed not so positive an environment for living a blessed life.
We rely on our physical senses to tell us what is true when the physical realm is NOT always true. When it doesn't agree with the Word of God we have to make a choice. Will we believe God's Word or will we believe what we see.
That's where Mike Hoesch realized his challenge was. He would study and meditate on the Word and then waver back to seeing what was in the mirror and what he carried around on his chest every minute of the day. He was continually wavering between what was spirit and what was flesh. We've been trained that "seeing is believing" and it's hard to get away from it, yet Christians do know that things are happening in the spirit realm all the time that we do not see.
So like Scripture says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do" (James 1:5-8).
I realized how much this was where I was at. I would soak in the Word and then think about all the health issues and their limitations. I had an herb and supplement program going on that took a lot of thought to be sure I was taking what I should be taking, getting the lids I used for each dose laid out on the counter each morning, using the timer to space out the formulas, keeping my mind on remembering to take the next dose, how much to take, etc. I realized how much time my mind was being used "in the flesh" to keep up with it all.
|© Donna L. Watkins - Blooms on Nandina Bush|
Hey! We've sold supplements for over 30 years, so I'm not saying they don't provide relief and help and healing, but God meets us where our faith is. I've had a ton of faith in the herbal realm since we learned so much from education and experience over those years with thousands of clients, but I also realized that I've been battling many diseases during my 61 years of life that were not helped by them. Autoimmune diseases seem to have a tenacious hold on our physical bodies since the body is attacking itself.
God is a good Daddy and loves us so much He can use a surgeon's hands, a doctor's prescription to give us relief, or a powerful plant that He created. After all it's mostly about what we BELIEVE will work that counts. There's a lot of research and information on that these days. Our thoughts control our emotions and actions.
As I reviewed how many pills I had swallowed over the years I thought much about the woman with the issue of blood (Mark 5:25). She had spent all she had on doctors for twelve years and still was not well. The revelation that what the doctors were using back then was obviously herbs really made me think about where my line in the sand was going to be.
On June 15th I stopped all herbs and supplements. Even calcium and multi-vitamins. I continued to ponder it all for about a week and had a peace about using Lily of the Valley and Hawthorn Berries because of the way God had directed me to find the Lily of the Valley formula. I left everything else off so I could focus more on the Word ( feed my spirit) and not on the flesh (focusing on my physical body). "For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace" (Ro. 8:6).
News Item #3 - Rheumatoid Arthritis Inflammation Gone
For over two months I've noticed that the inflammation from the rheumatoid arthritis (RA) has not been active. For the past 25 years I've had cartilage continually being eaten out of joints until the joint fused and no longer bent in my fingers, and became deformed in other areas so that use was altered. RA attacks the organs of the body also and the doctor mentioned it had a role in what was happening with my heart.
Kitchen work was a nightmare I avoided since I only had one fat knife I could hold to cut anything (middle knuckles fused) and the fatigue that comes with RA didn't provide comfort for standing very long.
Although grace was sufficient to deal with the pain that the supplements didn't take away (I chose not to use medications), my brain wasn't up for inflicting more pain to do such detailed work with my hands. Although I'd always loved cooking and baking and spending most of my day in the kitchen, I had avoided it like the plague for many years. I'm so blessed with a wonderful husband who never complained, but just adapted and adjusted as he's done for so many things with my health since we've been married.
I noticed that I was doing more and more in the kitchen as my energy came up but it was also quite obvious that although I still made a mess and dropped things and couldn't do a lot of things due to the damaged joints, something was different and I kept thinking that the RA was gone. Every time I had the thought though I would hold my breath while thinking it. I certainly did not say anything to anybody.
This past week I decided to tell Randal and a friend about it just to begin to release it from its "my mind only" file so I could rejoice with others and give all glory and praise to Jesus! It worked. A few days after I did that I got the expected results of being able to share with somebody else and to now be able to write about it and share it with all of you! It showed me a lot about belief and faith though.
Having the RA healed and me hardly being able to believe it and instantly rejoice showed me that I can't even believe something that has already happened ... no wonder I don't get instant healing. I don't have the faith to fully absorb what God has already done. I guess some of us have a large sense of unworthiness in things like this. Baggage carried along from childhood in the conscious and subconscious mind controls how we react to events decades out from our childhood years.
Any time I would think about it or be in the kitchen without mental torment, I would feel like I had to hold my breath! Like it might come back if I pondered it too long. Now I'm at a point where I'm just shouting and praising God. But goodness! Over two months to get there! I can see how what we THINK we believe is not what we actually DO believe subconsciously for sure. Our actions and listening to our thoughts are always a big key to seeing what we REALLY believe.
News Item #4 - Looking Forward
The next step in the RA healing journey is for all damaged joints, tissues, collagen, and organs to be made totally whole. Repaired, renewed, or recreated ... any way the Lord wants to do it is fine with me. I will continue to soak in the Word and Truths learned. This article will help to define how to Meditate the Word for renewal of the mind.
|© Donna L. Watkins - Baby Carolina Wren on Deck Rail|
We're so used to having to "work for what you get" that we have a challenge receiving. I now want it all! The more we SEE the physical, the less our minds can comprehend healing. I have improved much quicker with the extra meditating time rather than 'doctoring' time. I am learning to receive and more and more excited to feel close enough to reach out and get it.
News Item #5 - Living Life Daily
It's great to be able to live life! I never stopped planning on doing things since Randal is so flexible. I wanted to still plan even if I had to cancel, just so that mentally I didn't absorb that I could no longer live life. We would plan to go somewhere and there wasn't any way I could walk and breathe at the same time, so we'd have to cancel. But the more determined I got the more I challenged the devil's work in my life.
According to Deuteronomy 28:15-22, 27-29, 35, and 58-61, sickness is part of the curse of the Law. But Hallelujah! "Christ hath redeemed us from the curse of the law, being made a curse for us" (Gal 3:13), so we don't have to stay under the burden of disease. Realizing that all disease is from the devil makes it much easier to stand against it.
News Item #6 - No Sodium Worries and No Diuretic
I am most excited about not worrying over sodium any more and being able to eat what I want. We've been out with friends to a Mexican restaurant and have even picked up a pizza earlier today which we may do once a year and certainly haven't done this year. I ate three pieces which would total 2220 mg. of sodium. Rejoice! Rejoice! Thank you, Jesus!
I really have not enjoyed eating out so we rarely did it, but now it's like throwing sand in the devil's face! No more water weight gain, no more Lasix (diuretic I took every 3-4 days to be able to keep breathing). I'm very excited to wake up and weigh in at 120.0 with no swelling.
Again, my mind has not quite absorbed the fact and I catch myself sometimes looking at the sodium content on a package and then have to say, "NO! No weapon formed against me shall prosper. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord. God created my body and created this food for me to eat. You shall not steal God's provision from me, devil."
News Item #7 - The Deceit of the Devil and Allergies
All he can do is deceive us. That's all he had to steal all that man lost in the Garden of Eden. But we have to make the choice to allow him to deceive us and knowing the Word is a big part of keeping him out of our head.
I realized a few weeks ago that the devil has been involved in my life before birth. When I was born they have told me that I couldn't keep any form of milk down. That came back to me one day when I realized that the devil wanted to steal my life even then and has never quit since in my 20's I was diagnosed with 54 food allergies, not to mention pollen and chemical allergies.
Imagine the audacity of the devil to take the food that God created for man whom He also created and use it against us! And when it comes to pollen allergies, it's robbery of all the glory we give God as we enjoy the beauty of what He has made for our enjoyment.
|© Donna L. Watkins - Blackberry Lily Bloom|
Notice the Twisted Expired Bloom Behind It
I now bless my food and ask God to use it for nourishment and for the devil to take his hands off of it as a weapon. We have the power over the devil's deceit, but we have to believe in it and use it. For months I would rebuke the devil and feel like he was just laughing at me. That's because I didn't truly believe I could get him out of my life. We've been 'trained' to think that he's all powerful when he's just an imp. Christ took all power away from him when he died on the Cross and took all power of death from the devil (Heb. 2:14).
So as my healing progresses in various areas of my body, I am now meditating on being healed of all allergies. I now know that I was healed of it all and will renew my mind to it and be free of allergies. There is so much hope for the future! Here's an article on Spiritual Authority or an audio series on Spiritual Authority which I have listened to several times. It takes hearing these truths over and over for them to rebuild new belief in the mind.
News Item #8 - Rejoicing and Able to Live Life
I'm feeling great and so excited to be able to make plans without canceling 90% of them. We made plans for the 4th of July and spent the day over in the Shenandoah Valley. We visited Meems Covered Bridge. In the heat of the day we visited the Shenandoah Caverns and American Celebration on Parade.
It was lot of walking and it was wonderful to do it without a thought of each step. 1-1/8 mile cavern tour had various areas of inclines and that went well also. I realized my rebounding had built my thighs because that's what always hurt me first before my heart would slow me down ... and this was for years BEFORE the valve blew.
I always knew there was something wrong, but no reason to look for trouble. I guess you could call me Pollyanna or simply say I live in denial. But that's okay. It works for me! I'm very motivated to have it all heal back to the way God designed it to be. Sometimes I still marvel at how far I've come and how the body is willing to obey The Word when we implant it into our heart, not just hold it in our heads.
This week has been one of great rejoicing as I have more fully realized the victory over RA and the feeling that although I've been getting progressive healing, it seems to be speeding up. I am becoming more adept at meditating throughout the day. After all I used to worry over something all day long and could still do what I needed to do, so why not swap worry (fear) for God's Word (faith) and have a better and greater day.
It's a process and it's not easy, but it's worth it all. I'm not quitting here! I'm going to fight for even a fungus toenail! Nothing diseased will remain in this body! Thus far and no more, devil. You've already lost the battle and in reality are just a little whimpering wimp!
On Wednesday I vacuumed the house and dusted, swept the deck, front porch and the 40' walkway, made a few things in the kitchen, had two hours of garden work and washed my hair.
|Donna and Randal at Crabtree Falls, Tyro, VA|
While we were walking at Crabtree Falls I thought Randal was going to jump up and down. He keeps recounting my not being able to go from the bathroom to the bedroom door without a sit-down break only 4 months ago. We are definitely rejoicing!
On the way back we picked up a food order, made dinner and then visited with friends in the evening for three hours.
News Item # 9 - ALL Of This Is Available to ALL
It's very hard to know how to say things since even my emotions on this are not settled in yet. One thing for sure is that I want anybody who reads this to realize that it's all God and that I'm not special. I'm as weak as anybody and can cave in on a heartbeat, but each right choice to believe the Word and not what you see or hear is one step further ahead.
God's love to you is faithful. He has no special children. The Word is there for all of us. Transforming our minds on who God really is becomes a huge part of the healing process because how we see God determines what we receive from Him.
Be sure to view these links:
God's Kind of Love to You - Audio Series
God's Kind of Love - Article
If you have any friends, coworkers or family that needs to hear about God's love and provision for healing, send them a link to this blog post so God can put hope back in their heart again. www.thenatureinus.com/2012/07/heart-set-on-healing.html
Praise God! Praise God!
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