Friday, November 17, 2006

What Is Your Reflection?

by Donna L. Watkins

As I was seeking God on healing and in repentance for my attitudes, He showed me that Squeek (aka Kitty Girl), our cat, is a reflection of me.

This is the cat that "appeared" at our window two weeks after my favorite cat died at 20 years of age. This cat looked just like Princess and I dropped the phone when I saw her while talking to my husband. I ran outside to look at her just as she disappeared into the woods.

I thought instantly that God had brought Princess back to me. She had been so much comfort to me through the death of both of my parents in less than six months and the turmoil of home-schooling an ADHD strong-willed child.

God should be enough during these times, but you'd like to have something "tangible" at these weak and hurting seasons of life. Something to cuddle with. Princess' purrs and unconditional love allowed me to see God's love for me in a tangible way and now that she was gone, there was just more loss in my life.

The small black kitty returned again the next day. I began putting out cat food and soon discovered this was a feral cat. A cat that hadn't had any contact with humans and didn't want any. For two years I fed and enjoyed her from afar. I wonder if that was my relationship with the Lord at that time. He seemed so far away and yet He fed me with His Word and I knew He was there for me.

Like God tries to do with us, I drew the kitty closer to me. I would place the food closer and closer to the sliding glass door on the porch and finally she would let me rub her head and eventually even sit inside the patio door on a rug. This process took years. How often does our process of getting close to God seem to take forever? We've got human instincts that tell us not to trust. His patience is everlasting and He continues to feed us day by day until we believe He is everything to us.

She was a challenge for me. A goal, a project, a desire, and it stirred determination in me to win her over. We are God's desire and He is always working at winning us over to His realm ... to the realm of Kingdom thinking. At one point I thought I'd lost Kitty Girl - that's what we called her since we didn't want to give her an official name since she wasn't ours. We had gone on a trip and when I returned she did not show up for food. It was a very troublesome time for me since our son was now grown up (19) and had moved to Oklahoma to live with his grandparents. I had put a lot of emotions in this relationship with Kitty Girl and now it appeared she was gone.

God used that period of time to teach me so many things and it was the only time in my life that I felt Faith so heavy within and upon me that I could believe for anything. I wrote about that in an article called, Jairus' Daughter and Kitty Girl.

Today I was reminded of it again. "Only Believe!" Those two words keep coming up in my life. How powerful are those Words? Those words have challenged me for so long. That's all Jesus required when He walked about to heal and restore. All that was needed was belief ... faith ... believing power that flipped the switch to what we saw in the physical realm and what was real in the spiritual realm. How dark life is at times when we can't imagine where that switch is, like walking in the dark to find the switch for the light that will take away the fears that we have in the dark.

Kitty Girl became Squeek because that's what she does when I pick her up. She is not fond of being held. It's obvious she's used to having things her own way and likes life just like that. She doesn't even beg for food. I feed her once a day in the morning and if I forget she never comes and begs. She may stand in the kitchen no where near her dish just to be in view, or she may stand at the door and squeak to go out since her instincts still tell her that she can manage feeding herself if we just open the door to the prey.

I always saw Squeek as God's gift to me. A special present at a time in my life when I needed a little black cat and after the Jarius' daughter sermon and experience, I saw her as God's love for me. The only down side to it all is that she's not a cuddle kitty. She's feral so she's still a bit fearful even after all these years of seeing only good come from our hands. She's not people-oriented. I sometimes tell her how selfish she is not to share her wonderful cuddly body with us.

Are we feral too? Sometimes I feel that I stand so far away from God's loving arms. I don't allow Him to wrap me up and cuddle me. I like being in control. I like thinking I can handle it all. Many times I am so wrapped up in my own troubles that I'm not people-oriented. Our human rat race has promoted self-reliance and independence. We like to believe we can handle it all. Don't show any weakness or vulnerability. Don't ask for help when God could have our answer nearby. We are to the The Body of Christ to each other, sharing gifts and strengths. Have we become stone pillars? We think we can support all that hovers over us until something breaks and we feel ourselves begin to crumble. Then we want God to pick up the pieces and make us whole again.

I see Squeek as a gift from God and a token of His love ..... but I also see that she's the image of who I am. So prideful to think that I can provide for myself. How often does begging inhabit my prayers? Do I spend more time trying to figure out a way to fix my problems myself .... or do I stand on the Word and ask God to purify me that I might receive all that He has for me. Am I willing to cry out? Can I humble myself and trust in Him to hold me close and make all things well. Can I trust Him through the storms of life?

When a storm brews, Squeek gets really nervous. I try to hold her and that's not safe and secure for her. She runs to hide under the chest of drawers in the bedroom. Her sense of security doesn't rely on somebody to take care of her .... she find a place to hide and hopes it will all be okay. Where do we run in the storms of life? How do we react to storms and wind and rain and lightning and thunder? Do we allow God to hold us until the storm passes by?

Psalm 107:28-31
Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and He bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so He bringeth them unto their desired haven. Oh that men would praise the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men!


God, I am crying out for your help. I am human and cannot handle all the troubles and storms of my life. They are like waves threatening to wash me out to sea. Forgive me for my pride and independence, for my stubborness and lack of love for others. Help me to see others as part of Your Body available to be Your hands and feet and arms. I humble myself before you asking for you to wash out all that is evil within me and fill me with Your love, faith, trust and healing power so that I may go forth as a messenger of your love, so others will ONLY BELIEVE that You are always there to provide and cuddle us. Thank you, Father, for your patient and persistent love. Amen.

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