Saturday, October 20, 2007

The Blame Game

by Donna L. Watkins

© Donna L. Watkins - Male Green Frog
Every choice we make produces results. It may not be the results you want, so be sure to choose carefully. If you choose to scream and yell and argue your way out of situations, you will live a volatile life with a lot of anger.

If you don't take things personally and try to see and understand the other's person's viewpoint, you may get pretty good at being a peacemaker with the side benefit of being more at peace.

Rejection is something we have all dealt with. There are no perfect childhoods. Choosing to leave the past behind is a good choice. It changes your life forever and helps you to enjoy today rather than making all of our tomorrows a reflection of our past.

People deal with rejection many ways, one of which is by blaming others. The Blame Game was played in the Bible from Genesis on. Remember Adam blamed Eve for his choice to eat the forbidden fruit, Eve blamed the serpent for tempting her to disobey. Israel blamed Moses for the miseries of the wilderness when it was their own disobedience and discontentment that kept them in the wilderness 40 years for a 40 day trip. Elijah blamed Jezebel for his depression.

Who are you blaming? When it comes down to our problems in life, it's not about our childhood or our current relationships. If we're choosing not to let go of the past, there isn't going to be any good relationships, so don't let the devil deceive you into thinking that "if only my husband would .... if only my children would ....." are actual solutions to the problem.

When it comes right down to it, I have had to see that I am my only real problem. My choices about today are creating my tomorrows. I was such a busy person before rheumatoid arthritis slowed me down. Nobody I knew could accomplish near as much as I could in a day's time (which included half the night since I didn't need much sleep).

Busyness was my way of dealing with the hurts that I didn't want to think about. So I pushed and pushed myself thinking that checking off another task would make me feel good enough. Apparently it never fulfilled that need because I kept adding more and more tasks. Of course, I had a high level of expectation to how the tasks would be performed also. Perfectionism enters in when we are trying to make accomplishments make us feel good, instead of God's love being all we need.

I deceived myself into thinking that I "had to" do all these things. People depended on me. After all I'm a Christian and need to be involved in good works. The Bible tells us that good works won't get us to heaven and the greatest commandments are to love God and to love others as we love ourselves. Sounds like a huge task ... loving ourselves. So we bury ourselves in good works so others will tell us they love us and that seems like enough. But it's not ... our mind is forever busy with more, more, more. Are you staying busy to avoid dealing with issues?

What is bearing fruit from your daily efforts and tasks? Are you doing what you really want to be doing? Many times what looks 'good' is the enemy of the 'better' thing that God has for us. Are you truly walking in your mission in life .... or is it only a shadow of what God created you to experience?

If you waste your entire life reacting to the past, you will still never understand it all, but if you give all those awful and horrible events and memories and wounds over to the Lord, you will begin to see why they were allowed into your life. Evil will always be on this earth till Jesus returns and reigns, but God promised us that He will use it all for our good if we love Him. IF we love Him. Loving Him is trusting Him. Do you want to let the rest of your life pass by because of what somebody did to you in the past?

How can you condemn, judge and rage against the people who hurt you in the past, when you have done the same thing to each and every day since it's happened? You can't hate the people who harmed you without hating yourself for doing the same thing. God is there to work it all out if you will let Him. He really will! Let go, trust, and stop the busyness.

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